Waves

Ever stayed up all night talking to someone? You soon come to understand that people are a different form of themselves at 3am compared to the person they are at 3pm. The silence and darkness of the night almost acts like a comfort blanket, lulling you into a secure feeling of confidentiality. It’s as if being in the depths of the night allows you to be whoever you want to be, you’re able to take off the mask and allow yourself to be vulnerable for a while. But there’s still the sound of your heartbeat filling the silence, because even though you feel sightly safer, there’s still that worry that someone might like you less when they’ve seen what its like inside of you. As if they’ll see you as a different person, and it reminds you that deep in every human lives a crippling feeling of anxiety over the possibility of being alone in the world.

People always leave. Its an assumption that means you’re never disappointed, because you expect it all along. But then again it always tears you apart when it happens over and over again. You can love someone so much, but you can never love someone as much as you miss them. You’ll allow them to go on cutting your heart into smaller and smaller pieces for as long as they want, because it means that you dont have to face the loneliness of being without them just yet. But love isnt something you have to deserve, its not something that has to be earned. Love is love. Love is waking up in the middle of the night and seeing that person beside you sleeping, and feeling that the world isnt as lonely anymore. Its watching the sun go down on a beach and feeling its warmth until it sets, and then looking up at the stars until it rises again. Just because your heart is broken it doesnt mean you cant still love with it. You can love so much that it almost seems like it’s in once piece again.

Always remember that just because someone looks happy doesnt necessarily mean they are. Even a white rose has a black shadow. Before finding a soul mate, you must first find your soul, and you must learn to accept that broken heart inside of you, learn to love it. The mistake is thinking you need someone else to save you, when in fact all you need is someone to stand by your side whilst you save yourself. Because pain is like the ocean, it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes its overwhelming. Unfortunately all we can do is learn how to swim. But there’s an ancient Chinese proverb, about an invisible red thread that links those destined to be connected despite the time, the place, and despite the circumstances. The thread can be tightened or tangled, but will never be broken. So throw yourself into that ocean and keep fighting until you’re swimming freely among the waves, knowing that the people who love you will be on the shore waiting when you come back. Remember, without the rain, there would be no flowers 🌸